Continue reading if you wish, or dare.
On the morning of July 27th I woke up having some pain, but wasn't really convinced it meant anything. By this point I was 4 days overdue what the midwives had on paper as my due date (July 23rd) and 15 days overdue according to my own calendar (July 12th). There had been some confusion in the beginning, so the date was iffy. I was scheduled to go in that day for a Non-stress test and a test on my fluid levels for that reason. By now, I was completely convinced I was going to be pregnant for the rest of my life. Illogical as it was, I really felt it was true. I had been having labor "symptoms" for almost 3 weeks, but not enough to get me anywhere besides more frustrated--and convinced of my eternal pregnancy curse.
Nevertheless the 27th was here, with no baby, and yet another morning of pain. But this time I couldn't relax. And then I started having contractions, and they didn't go away (finally!). Around 10 I woke up Sam (we had turned into a nocturnal pair), and told him I didn't think we would be making the appointment. He looked excited, but guarded, since we had been through this before. After a couple more hours of what had to be labor (but I still was afraid to believe it) we canceled the appointment. I took a shower and continued to labor at home for a while longer. Once my contractions got to 5 minutes apart for almost 2 hours, we decided to go ahead and go in, so I could focus on labor and not on when I should head into the hospital. We called my mom around 4:30 and told her to head over. We got to the hospital I think around 5.
Our last picture of us at home without a baby! This was between contractions as you can see, I look pretty chipper. That in-between cheer would wear off before the night was over.
We arrived at the hospital, and got checked in. I was at 5 cm. They sent me to my room, where I stayed the rest of the night. I thought I would want to walk the halls, but I ended up not doing any of the things I had planned and prepared to do to help during labor (massage, birthing ball, shower/bath, walking the halls..). I actually did get in the tub for a bit which was kind of relaxing but they wanted me to get out every 30 minutes for fetal monitoring, so I ditched that plan.
At first, and for a long while, during contractions I would use Sam as support. Holding onto him and rocking, stepping or leaning over and pushing against him. That went on for hours, and it was exhausting. But I couldn't find a way to relax between contractions besides walking around, but it was wearing me out. Eventually (and finally) the midwife (who had been gone a lot and her student, who was great, had been with me most of the time) suggested I get on the bed, sit all the way up and have my knees pushed against my chest with each contraction. I could finally rest in between!
Before I found the position that worked for me, I labored on my feet for about 4 hours (not counting what I had done at home). Around 9:30 pm they checked me again and I was STILL at 5. I started to cry. I knew they would have to break my water (which mom had suggested from the beginning) and I knew that would make an already hard labor a lot harder. I was right.
They broke my water at 9:40 pm, which was pretty weird. I wasn't expecting it to be that much, or expecting how it would feel to have my belly shrink and be able to feel just the baby. After I finally discovered counter knee pressure and sitting up in the bed, I labored like that the rest of the way.
It took the rotating energy and muscle power of 4 different people (Sam, Mom, Marci (student) and Jennifer (midwife)), to sustain my counter pressure needs. I wore all of them out. I don't have pictures of that though, not for this blog anyway. Around midnight I started to push. I tried squatting on the edge of the bed, which I grew to hate. I tried on my hands and knees, which I hated immediately (that position had been miserable from the beginning). Finally I laid on my side and that was alright. I guess I wasn't progressing how they wanted me to, so they had me move to my back, which was counter intuitive to me but I did it anyway.
Pushing was exhausting, and frankly a little terrible. She wouldn't come! Her head would start to come and then slide back in. I was running out of steam and just wanted to cry and quit. Every time I pushed they would say "Almost there! That's great! Keep going!" and it would seem like no progress to me. Eventually her head emerged, but the rest of her didn't. I don't remember much about the very end except Jennifer's voice sternly saying "Push, Lindsay. You have to push harder," and a bunch of people (I don't know who or how many) hopping on the bed and pushing on my abdomen. I knew what was happening, her shoulder was stuck (shoulder dystocia). No one said that, but I knew. And for some reason, despite the emergency my labor had turned into, I wasn't scared. Just determined to get this whole this over with, and see my baby for crying out loud! I don't know how long it took, and I don't remember how it felt. I didn't see her come out because all the people surrounding me.. but she came, July 28th at 2:45 am! After checking her out for a second they handed her to me, and I held her as the nursery nurses continued to make sure she was ok. She was so big, and alert! I didn't get to catch her, neither did Sam thanks to the last minute emergency, which was sad for me.
The only picture of the two of us right after she was born. You can see my hand and my leg. Touching, right?
She weighed in at 8 lbs 9 oz and 19.5 inches long. Short and stout! Much bigger than I was expecting too!
Dad finally got his paws on her, he couldn't wait.
Grandma, patiently awaited her turn. They both earned it. I couldn't have done it without them. They both were so attentive and supportive. The midwives marveled at how loving and supportive Sam was to me. It's true, he was marvelous.
I feel proud that I delivered her with help only from those around me. It was long and hard and my first words after she was born I'm pretty sure were "I'm never doing that again!" I've since changed my mind :).
I do hope for a bit of a different experience next time. I think it was a little traumatic to have so much chaos surrounding her arrival. It was also disappointing to miss what I had been working so hard for for hours. I don't remember anything about her actual arrival. But the moments following made up for most of that loss.
She's precious and feisty! We are so glad to have our sweet Violet Geneva!
Wouldn't you be?
